Trust

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever you would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my saviour

This was one of Hillsong United's most popular songs last year, sung all over the world. I sang it in church many times - I sang my little heart out. But then I started

thinking about what I was actually singing...hold on a sec - trust without borders...WHEREVER you would call me...deeper than my feet could ever wander?? Those are not small, simple things to be asking for!

I've been thinking about trust a lot lately. Sometimes, it's easy. Well, that's what I thought, but what I've realised is that when it's easy to trust, it's not really trust. I think that the times when I feel like I'm trusting God, I'm actually feeling in control myself. But what about when He asks me to really step out...to go deeper than my feet could ever wander? Do I still trust then?

I'm one term into my medical anthropology Masters. When I started, it was easy to say - it's a step of faith, I'm trusting God for the next step, it doesn't matter that I've given up a stable, well-paid job to move back to the other side of the world to study something after which I don't even really know what the options are! One term down and I hoped I would have a bit more of an idea...right now, I have no clue what will happen after September, not a notion. But I do know that I love what I'm learning. It excites me. It stirs me. It makes me want to advocate for others. It makes me want to see justice, to be instrumental in it. I want to tell people about it (whether they want to listen or not!) And I think that all these things are signs that God still has my back on this, that He's still holding onto me, that even though I can't see around the corner, He's got my hand and He's leading me there to a place He's already prepared.

I just wish that my humanness didn't get in the way so often. The humanness that makes me want to seize the reins again The humanness that makes me throw a little internal tantrum when a friend gets something I want instead of trusting that God wants to best for me, has the best for me. The humanness that somehow makes me think that I know better than the God who made me.

And that's what we need to remember: He knows me inside out (Psalm 139); He has a good plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11); He delights in me (Zephaniah 3:17); He leads me through darkness (Psalm 23: 4); He is my rock (2 Samuel 22:3); and He will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5).

The only reason my trust fails is because of me. It has nothing to do with His trustworthiness.