South Africa: 14 years later

On this day, 14 years ago, I first stepped foot in South Africa.

I was scared, just plain scared. Scared of hating it, of being mugged, of spiders and snakes, of being lonely, of failure, of people not liking me, of being so far from home, of car crashes, of getting sick…the list got longer and more terrifying in the weeks that led up to the 19th January 2003. There were points when it was crippling; points when I wasn’t completely sure I was going to get on the plane. The week before I left, the smallest thing would start the tears. I was one big mess of nerves and doubt and terror.

But I got on the plane. And as I got off at the other end, stepped into a place that would transform me.

I had no idea what sort of people I would meet, no clue what challenges I would face, the ways in which I’d change and grow, the implications of that seven months on my life. But, 14 years later, I can say that getting on that plane was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Fear acts like a barrier — a wall between where you are and where you could be. It’s a barrier that can take a giant step to get over, but sometimes the only thing to do is to take a deep breath and take that step. And once your foot hits solid ground on the other side, I can tell you, that’s where the adventures start.

Once my feet hit solid South African soil, it was the beginning of friendships that are part of my life today, of living in a gorge that I still think is one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen, of learning lessons from people and opportunities and heartaches and celebrations, of food that I crave all the time, of seeing God in new ways, of living in and loving different cultures, of developing leadership skills, of adventures I couldn’t have imagined, of getting out of my narrow, sheltered box. It was difficult, amazing, overwhelming, heartbreaking, joyful, incredible, stunning, rewarding. And I wouldn’t change it.

I discovered the way I want to live my life: aware of the fear, understanding that it sometimes has value, but not allowing it to make my choices, not letting it create my future, not giving it permission to stop me from saying yes.

And I never once saw a big spider.