When confusion is good

"If you're confused, this module has been a success"...

These were the words of the lecturer at the end of this term's 'Anthropology and Development' module and if that was his measure of a successful module, I can inform him that he did indeed succeed.

AD (we like to come up with abbreviations for the modules - makes our lives much easier) was one of the modules that I was most looking forward to having discovered a passion for international development issues. I assumed that the module was going to tell us about amazing humanitarian efforts to help people, it was going to inspire us to get out there and fix the world and it was going to tell us how to do that. Despite the fact that I couldn't have been more wrong, it was still one of my favourite modules...because it forced me to think.

I went into class with an excessive dose of idealism and an unrealistic belief that anything to do with development must be good. It only took one lecture to knock that out of me. After the first lecture, my mind was running all over the place. The things I'd believed: development was good, women should be included in it, we should help people who didn't have as much as us - I left class not being sure about any of that any more and wondering what on earth I should be passionate about.

I think I expected our lecturer to turn around in one of the classes and tell us that actually, it was all good, that everything I had believed was true. He didn't. But what he did, I think, was much more helpful. By creating a discussion about development and its many problems, he forced me to question what I believed and why I believed it...and I think that is one of the best things that someone can do for you. Because belief without reason is weak - if what you believe is not grounded on a good foundation, it will crumble at the first sign of attack.

It would take probably another ten blog posts to tell you what I'd learned about what I believe this term, so we'll not go there just now! To summarise, I do still believe development is essentially a good thing, but that the ways we have gone about it have tended to be ineffective, often harmful and have often come from the wrong motivation. I believe that, too often, we've tried to come up with a global solution and fit every problem into its box, when every culture, even subculture, is unique. I believe that we have a tendency towards a 'saviour complex' where we think that we have all the solutions. But I do also believe that there are some great people doing some great work, that there are solutions, even if no one has quite worked them out yet. And I still believe it's important that we don't ignore the problems. I know what I believe now, but by being forced to question it, I now know that belief is rooted in something deeper than idealistic whimsy.

It's not just development either. Life often forces you to question what you believe and why, but it can be easy to ignore those challenges, those people, those situations that force you into that uncomfortable place of confronting your beliefs. Don't ignore them, embrace them, even seek them. Your beliefs will stand so much more firm when you understand the foundations they are built on. Don't be afraid to argue with people about where you stand on religion, on politics, on same sex marriage, on who should have won Eurovision (I know you watched it). I'd advise you to do it graciously, whether or not the person you're arguing with is gracious, but don't be scared to do it, because after challenge comes change or reinforcement, and either may be necessary.